The Master (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
beholdthedrums) wrote2010-05-03 07:17 pm
beholdthedrums) wrote2010-05-03 07:17 pm
Entry tags:
FIC: Simple Little Things
Character(s): The Master and The Doctor
Summary: Cupcakes and world-domination.
Rating: G
Words: 673
Warnings: Cracktastic.
For![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rude_not_ginger and justaddmarbles. As they are COMPLETELY AT FAULT FOR THIS HAPPENING. Courtesy of this exchange on D_M.
Simple Little Things
He’s had everything from paradox machines to plastic flowers, so the Master does know a thing or two about variety already. Humans are never quite as adept in ‘expect the unexpected’ as they would like to think they are, after all. So when a new company creeps into public eye and starts producing the sugary goodness with its chocolate cake and crimson frosting, the species barely bats an eyelash. Stage 1! Infiltration! Complete!
He knows that eventually the Doctor will notice, because the Doctor always will notice. But the infiltration takes time to reach London (the Master specifically started in Japan and then spread from there), and when it finally does, Prydonian Eateries (he never said he was going to be subtle) have factories popping up worldwide. The human population consumes the deliciousness that is the Master’s special cupcakes by the meal.
Stage 2 – world-domination – complete!
Well. Not exactly world-domination (yet), but he is a millionaire and has a wonderful mansion that rivals anything that he had as Prime Minister. Funny how that works out. He wonders what the Doctor will catch first: the muck-up the Master has done to the timelines (as his Cupcake Plan takes place in 1999, effectively making his future run as Harold Saxon a mite inconvenient, but he doesn’t care), or the name of his company.
“Cupcakes,” the Doctor announces at last, while the Master is sitting in his lab amongst stacks of papers and working on stage 3. The TARDIS materializes on piles of shipping orders, and its door knocks over several fun designs the Master drew up in his spare time. Pity. He liked those. The Doctor really does ruin everything.
“Would you like to try one?” the Master asks, not looking up from signing paperwork.
“No. I got a whiff of one to know that they were bad news.” The Doctor makes a face. “But really, cupcakes.”
The Master picks up one from a plate that a servant earlier had brought him, thinking he’d love to eat his own cupcakes daily like the rest of the population. He rotates it so the Doctor can see him showing off its beauty. “Such a simple little thing,” he says, watching the Doctor, “and the human race is so easy to get addicted to things that are so bad for them.”
“You went from bringing the planet to its knees,” the Doctor deadpans, “to cupcakes.”
The Master throws it at the Doctor. Crimson frosting sticks into the brown suit and the small cake falls to the floor. The Doctor looks horrified. The Master rolls his eyes. “Do you want to know what stage 3 is?”
“My jacket!”
“Doctor.”
“I just got this cleaned! Now I have to go back and –”
“Doctor. Evil plans here at work against your precious human race?”
The Doctor sobers up, grimly looking up at the other. “How are you already on stage 3? I’m normally better than that.”
“You’re out of practice. This is why we need to fight across the cosmos.”
“Stage 3,” the Doctor reminds him.
“Right. Stage 3.” The Master picks up another cupcake from the dish and grins when the Doctor nearly jumps. He doesn’t throw this one, but he feels a wave of amusement that he can shake it towards the other Time Lord in a way that threatens him. “The population has been consuming these in their diet for months now. Do you know what that’s been doing to them?”
“Something I’m not going to like, no doubt.”
The Master laughs. “One cupcake at a time I’ve been transforming the human race. They will be completely and utterly under my command as I bring Gallifrey to life - through them!” He leans back, laughing harder.
“Did it have to be cupcakes?” the Doctor asks again, the laughter not affecting him. He’s dealt with the Master enough that he’s grown accustomed to this. Just another day of being the Doctor, another day of foiling the Master’s plans.
“What, Doctor, never been threatened by a cupcake before?”
Summary: Cupcakes and world-domination.
Rating: G
Words: 673
Warnings: Cracktastic.
For
rude_not_ginger and justaddmarbles. As they are COMPLETELY AT FAULT FOR THIS HAPPENING. Courtesy of this exchange on D_M. Simple Little Things
He’s had everything from paradox machines to plastic flowers, so the Master does know a thing or two about variety already. Humans are never quite as adept in ‘expect the unexpected’ as they would like to think they are, after all. So when a new company creeps into public eye and starts producing the sugary goodness with its chocolate cake and crimson frosting, the species barely bats an eyelash. Stage 1! Infiltration! Complete!
He knows that eventually the Doctor will notice, because the Doctor always will notice. But the infiltration takes time to reach London (the Master specifically started in Japan and then spread from there), and when it finally does, Prydonian Eateries (he never said he was going to be subtle) have factories popping up worldwide. The human population consumes the deliciousness that is the Master’s special cupcakes by the meal.
Stage 2 – world-domination – complete!
Well. Not exactly world-domination (yet), but he is a millionaire and has a wonderful mansion that rivals anything that he had as Prime Minister. Funny how that works out. He wonders what the Doctor will catch first: the muck-up the Master has done to the timelines (as his Cupcake Plan takes place in 1999, effectively making his future run as Harold Saxon a mite inconvenient, but he doesn’t care), or the name of his company.
“Cupcakes,” the Doctor announces at last, while the Master is sitting in his lab amongst stacks of papers and working on stage 3. The TARDIS materializes on piles of shipping orders, and its door knocks over several fun designs the Master drew up in his spare time. Pity. He liked those. The Doctor really does ruin everything.
“Would you like to try one?” the Master asks, not looking up from signing paperwork.
“No. I got a whiff of one to know that they were bad news.” The Doctor makes a face. “But really, cupcakes.”
The Master picks up one from a plate that a servant earlier had brought him, thinking he’d love to eat his own cupcakes daily like the rest of the population. He rotates it so the Doctor can see him showing off its beauty. “Such a simple little thing,” he says, watching the Doctor, “and the human race is so easy to get addicted to things that are so bad for them.”
“You went from bringing the planet to its knees,” the Doctor deadpans, “to cupcakes.”
The Master throws it at the Doctor. Crimson frosting sticks into the brown suit and the small cake falls to the floor. The Doctor looks horrified. The Master rolls his eyes. “Do you want to know what stage 3 is?”
“My jacket!”
“Doctor.”
“I just got this cleaned! Now I have to go back and –”
“Doctor. Evil plans here at work against your precious human race?”
The Doctor sobers up, grimly looking up at the other. “How are you already on stage 3? I’m normally better than that.”
“You’re out of practice. This is why we need to fight across the cosmos.”
“Stage 3,” the Doctor reminds him.
“Right. Stage 3.” The Master picks up another cupcake from the dish and grins when the Doctor nearly jumps. He doesn’t throw this one, but he feels a wave of amusement that he can shake it towards the other Time Lord in a way that threatens him. “The population has been consuming these in their diet for months now. Do you know what that’s been doing to them?”
“Something I’m not going to like, no doubt.”
The Master laughs. “One cupcake at a time I’ve been transforming the human race. They will be completely and utterly under my command as I bring Gallifrey to life - through them!” He leans back, laughing harder.
“Did it have to be cupcakes?” the Doctor asks again, the laughter not affecting him. He’s dealt with the Master enough that he’s grown accustomed to this. Just another day of being the Doctor, another day of foiling the Master’s plans.
“What, Doctor, never been threatened by a cupcake before?”
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I honestly for a moment believed that the answer to that question was going to be something like "It's warping their diets and turning your precious human race into a planet of lazy, fat slugs" so that the Doctor could be like "You do realise they do that to themselves already?"
(Also, I give up and I'm putting you on my flist.)
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(yay people!)
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But then he might be fueling his own eventual defeat by Adipose babies.
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ALWAYS.
- gorramn it where are my icons when I need them.
LOOK UPON THIS FACE AND KNOW FEAR.
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IS HE MELTING YET?
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Now I must inquire into the effectiveness of short skirts.
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Anything's better than the robes, at least.
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...The Neck Brace of Rassilon.
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SO much!
*does a dance*
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